the best summer ever; because of you.
My first summer with you, was also the best.
For I learnt how to love, and how love feels like.
I had my first kiss, my first touch, my first hugs.
I learnt that to love someone, you learn to let them go.
I learnt that to love someone, you learn to let yourself go too; for them.
whispers of summer
her story
friends
birdsongs
memories
sunrays
sometimes what i want to say isn't apparent through what you just see(:
Monday, June 28, 2010
love the way you lie.
just gonna stand there and watch me burnthat’s alright because I like the way it hurtsjust gonna stand there and hear me crythat’s alright because I love the way you lieI love the way you liewe’re running right back, here we go againso insane, cause when it’s going good it’s going great but when it’s bad it’s awful, I feel so ashamed I snapmaybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano all I know is I love you too much to walk away thoughhave you everever loved somebody so much you can barely breathe?
ever loved somebody so much you know why love hurts?
ever loved somebody so much you'd kill yourself for them?
10:33 pm
Saturday, June 26, 2010
I Dreamed A Dream - Les Miserables[Fantine]There was a time when men were kind When their voices were soft And their words invitingThere was a time when love was blind And the world was a song And the song was exciting There was a time Then it all went wrong I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high And life worth livingI dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving Then I was young and unafraid And dreams were made and used and wasted There was no ransom to be paid No song unsung, no wine untasted But the tigers come at night With their voices soft as thunder As they tear your hope apart And they turn your dream to shame He slept a summer by my side He filled my days with endless wonder He took my childhood in his stride But he was gone when autumn cameAnd still I dream he'll come to me That we will live the years together But there are dreams that cannot be And there are storms we cannot weather I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm livingSo different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.------i don't know who's right and who's wrong any more. just going to leave my heart, my life and my future happiness in God's hands.at least i know He'll take care of them(: even if you won't. 10:14 pm
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
self-portraits.
it's been like the millionth time in a while that i realise again that whenever i post anything it's only to put the bad, sad times into words, just to get it all off my heart. although it's in no way a close portrayal of what the emotions paint, but who cares anyway.i told myself, once, that i should stop posting when i'm sad and post when i'm happy, before someone actually calls up the counsellor and dumps me in for counselling or whatever; but now i realise that that's almost impossible. since no one reads this any more, i think. it's practically become my personal diary, but i guess...it's good, perhaps. [although i can't decide if that means you've just stopped caring about the state of my heart any more. it doesn't matter to me now, i guess you're too busy for this already. i guess i don't mind.]i suppose if you asked me how i'm measuring my life right now, it's not by the blogposts. my msn nicks are more accurate portrayals of what i'm feeling; since it changes with my moods instantaneously. maybe i should just keep logs of when i change them; it'd make more sense.and it'd record far happier moments; the ones i really miss.though it probably wouldn't mean less of all the tears, heartbreak, and bleakness.because i haven't had a fully happy pm in ages. look closer; even the ones that seem like they came from my sunshine facade have double meanings.tell me, will you - what is wrong with me nowadays, that you entirely have me at your mercy?when you bother talking to me again, that is. i doubt it'll be tonight. or tomorrow or saturday or sunday. maybe not even monday. maybe not for the whole week. goodness knows; and i can only wait, as everything reminds me of...everything we had (still have?). 9:30 pm
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
mishmash.
first post of the new year, and this is another hodgepodge-thrown-together random mash of words.and ideas.and just.. random things. someone told me once, that pink eyes were prettierinlaid with diamonds and sparklesi remember i want a trinity ringand i need lots and lots of colour around meblack and white things are prettybut maybe because the skies are almost always blackthe last time i drank anything was about twelve hours agoi believe i wasn't supposed to, even theni used to wonder if roses were red because blood ran in themand if you sliced open a petal, would it all flow outi'm curious, though -can people go blind from crying?one of my lobsters is going to moultisn't it good that they can shed old things away?but i guess the damage's permanent-the rest cut off both its pincers and the scars are visibleshould i put rainbow-coloured things around its tank to cheer it up?or is it just a human thing to like rainbowssometimes i wonder why i like rainbows and colourbecause i like what's most like meor because i've lost my own set of paints?same goes for stars, and the night skyhave i also told you, that i talk to everything?people just don't listen, sometimesother times, you must learn - to shut upbut you can say anything to everythingis it possible to love too much?philo teacher: what is love, and who defines too much?i love that subject, yet too much thinkingspoils the beauty of a simplistic answerthe stars are all hiding tonightand the stray cats are dishearteningly quietno noise?oh, but i love the sound of rushing waterand mousehunt just gave me 45 points per horneven when i'm sounding every 20 minutes instead of 15no one's awake, even now?it's only 12.49amthe streetlights outside are spoiltmy new best friend is 2ambut yeah, i haven't seen her in agesso i make do with her twin sister of quiet dark cornersand an imaginary cat on my lap that haunts my thoughtseven when i've tried keeping it awaysomehow, it always finds an open doorand holds me hostage, tied up with balls of rosesi feel like i just swept a whole lot of cobwebs and junk out of my brain.pity you can't throw thoughts away. 12:00 am
Thursday, December 17, 2009
[无话可说]
有时候，真不懂是怎么一回事。说好了生气只气一天，隔天早上恢复正常； 这次谁先毁约，你自己清楚。 可是无所谓 - 总之是我自找的。有很多很多的事情，我是不能怪罪你，最终只有以泪水哄自己去睡。是谁的错我已经学会不管了，追究有什么用？反正任何事情令你不开心，我也认定是我的错了。--------回家路上和 D 一起走，边聊天边吐出了心事。她一直告诉我，根本就不了解我到底欣赏你哪一点；她说她认为倒过来是你应该觉得幸福、是你该哄我开心，不是没几天就吵个天翻地覆。可是又想起你平常做的小举动，那些使我开心、让我知道还有人关心我爱我的举动，你知道我多想念吗。 整天都失魂落魄的样子，多少次做了糊涂的事情，多少次完全无法专心，多少次想哭却哭不出来，你也不会了解。是泪水哭干了吗？我自己都不知道。她说我也够笨的；怎么会爱到如此痴心绝对的地步。还说我应该和多其他人一起走，才会了解自己想找的是怎样的人。我嘴上给她了敷衍的答案，心中却如此明白想要的，至少已曾经拥有。曾有一天，你爱上了一个人。她每当口气显得严重了点你就担心让她生气了，甚至她稍微不开心你都不舍得。你日思夜想就只想得到她这颗心，终于得到了。现在每三两天就生她的气，她几乎每次晚上甚至凌晨才好不容易哭睡着。有一次她说是因为让你不开心而生自己的气、因为伤了你的心痛恨自己哭成一场，你回了一句话： “你太爱哭了。”每个深爱着心上人的女孩，总会把任何伤了他的心的事算在自己头上，也从来不会怪他。就算要了她的心肝，只要能让你开心，什么都行。就算是你觉得她开始够厌烦了，不想再要了，她还是会笑中含泪，掩藏深深插入心里的刀，放你走。希望的也只有同样的一件事 - 你开心就好。 9:15 pm
Thursday, December 03, 2009
days of sunshine and nights of thunder;
this will be a hodgepodge of everything life has been.1. rocks.i still remember i read somewhere that those huge huge rocks in random deserts are amazingly brittle, despite their size. because the midday sun bakes them and they expand, but the icy desert nights cool them and they contract. and the frequent expansion/contraction cycle means they're terribly stressed internally, and any strong wind will just make them crumble.and all life has been doing, is nothing but slowly wearing me down. i'm tired of the ups and downs. they're too frequent and sudden for me to take - within one day i get extremes of happiness and depression. will i go mad, someday? God forbid, but if that is meant to be, i won't oppose it. i don't have the strength to. i don't even have the strength to pick myself up every time you make me fall - i wait for you to put me back together.2. dolphins.again, something i read somewhere - dolphins have a permanent smile; it's genetically etched on their faces. so no one can tell what they're really feeling inside, no one except themselves. it could be a depressed or even suicidal dolphin for all you know, and it'd still be smiling at you.if you see a smile, or hear a happy note, remember: it could all just be another facade, another permanent, fake smile.3. bleeding love.i don't need to elaborate. don't ask me to. [ref: the full lyrics, and previous posts.]4. a fairly scratched dragon, and a kitten cooked to a crisp.it's honestly stupid to fight wars that hurt everyone and don't do any good. idk why they still are fought, really.5. mirages.things you think are for real, but actually don't exist. correction: things you think are for real which actually don't exist, and yet exist in that figment of imagination your brain cooked up; a fantasy you wish to believe. 6. broken things, shards of glass. stained glass.just lying on the floor in pieces. the little things that no one notices, but are the proof of things, probably beautiful things at that, broken and gone, perhaps never to be rescued again?or maybe they were just never appreciated in the first place.7. ice, and snowdrops.i've always liked finding shapes in things. first clouds, then the waves in the sea, and now ice blocks.so the next time you see a little drop of ice or snow, it might have just been a frozen tear. don't bother asking where it came from, though; it's lost. you're not likely to trace it back to where it came from.8. sunshine, and rainbows.beautiful moments, and times you'd want to spend with the people you love.pity they are but fleeting moments, grasping at time flowed away.in summary:seven days and seven nights of thunder? maybe more. with the crippling wind railing away.bland, mildly interestingly flavoured bread interspersed with rich creamy sweet strawberry sauce, drowned ruthlessly in the bitterest dark coffee. with blocks of liquid nitrogen thrown furiously at it, to add fractures to injuries.very nosy things, too.there was a time where i'd have considered ending everything in a matter of seconds.but now i can't.too bad that i'm past my threshold, then. maybe it's breaking point, maybe it's not. does anyone care? [no. does anyone -still- care?] 10:50 pm
Sunday, November 22, 2009
disjointed images.
spent ages mulling over how to structure this; then i gave up on all the rest and jumped back into my love for pictures. seven days and seven nights of thunderthe water's rising and i'm slipping under maybe you never realised, never realisedhow much it's draining out of methe who i used to beyou gave me a rainbowa psychedelic sunrisebut all it took was for the winds to changeand i'd have seven days and seven nights of thunderall over again. onlyi'd have no one left to pick me up. frozen right down to the very heartoverreaction, you saybut if i didn't carei wouldn't have frozen overwith you. haven't you, haven't youheardthat too much fire and too much icewill just weaken anything at its core that flowers bleed far moreeven as they draw blood from you that there was a reasonyou never endured a blizzardor concentric rings of flamelike your own? but i suppose life goes on. i guess you'll come back and pick me upsomedaymy happycat will find his happy backand then kitty will be fine. 11:35 pm
Monday, June 28, 2010
love the way you lie. just gonna stand there and watch me burnthat’s alright because I like the way it hurtsjust gonna stand there and hear me crythat’s alright because I love the way you lieI love the way you liewe’re running right back, here we go againso insane, cause when it’s going good it’s going great but when it’s bad it’s awful, I feel so ashamed I snapmaybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano all I know is I love you too much to walk away thoughhave you everever loved somebody so much you can barely breathe?
ever loved somebody so much you know why love hurts?
ever loved somebody so much you'd kill yourself for them?
Saturday, June 26, 2010
I Dreamed A Dream - Les Miserables[Fantine]There was a time when men were kind When their voices were soft And their words invitingThere was a time when love was blind And the world was a song And the song was exciting There was a time Then it all went wrong I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high And life worth livingI dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving Then I was young and unafraid And dreams were made and used and wasted There was no ransom to be paid No song unsung, no wine untasted But the tigers come at night With their voices soft as thunder As they tear your hope apart And they turn your dream to shame He slept a summer by my side He filled my days with endless wonder He took my childhood in his stride But he was gone when autumn cameAnd still I dream he'll come to me That we will live the years together But there are dreams that cannot be And there are storms we cannot weather I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm livingSo different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.------i don't know who's right and who's wrong any more. just going to leave my heart, my life and my future happiness in God's hands.at least i know He'll take care of them(: even if you won't.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
self-portraits. it's been like the millionth time in a while that i realise again that whenever i post anything it's only to put the bad, sad times into words, just to get it all off my heart. although it's in no way a close portrayal of what the emotions paint, but who cares anyway.i told myself, once, that i should stop posting when i'm sad and post when i'm happy, before someone actually calls up the counsellor and dumps me in for counselling or whatever; but now i realise that that's almost impossible. since no one reads this any more, i think. it's practically become my personal diary, but i guess...it's good, perhaps. [although i can't decide if that means you've just stopped caring about the state of my heart any more. it doesn't matter to me now, i guess you're too busy for this already. i guess i don't mind.]i suppose if you asked me how i'm measuring my life right now, it's not by the blogposts. my msn nicks are more accurate portrayals of what i'm feeling; since it changes with my moods instantaneously. maybe i should just keep logs of when i change them; it'd make more sense.and it'd record far happier moments; the ones i really miss.though it probably wouldn't mean less of all the tears, heartbreak, and bleakness.because i haven't had a fully happy pm in ages. look closer; even the ones that seem like they came from my sunshine facade have double meanings.tell me, will you - what is wrong with me nowadays, that you entirely have me at your mercy?when you bother talking to me again, that is. i doubt it'll be tonight. or tomorrow or saturday or sunday. maybe not even monday. maybe not for the whole week. goodness knows; and i can only wait, as everything reminds me of...everything we had (still have?).
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
mishmash. first post of the new year, and this is another hodgepodge-thrown-together random mash of words.and ideas.and just.. random things. someone told me once, that pink eyes were prettierinlaid with diamonds and sparklesi remember i want a trinity ringand i need lots and lots of colour around meblack and white things are prettybut maybe because the skies are almost always blackthe last time i drank anything was about twelve hours agoi believe i wasn't supposed to, even theni used to wonder if roses were red because blood ran in themand if you sliced open a petal, would it all flow outi'm curious, though -can people go blind from crying?one of my lobsters is going to moultisn't it good that they can shed old things away?but i guess the damage's permanent-the rest cut off both its pincers and the scars are visibleshould i put rainbow-coloured things around its tank to cheer it up?or is it just a human thing to like rainbowssometimes i wonder why i like rainbows and colourbecause i like what's most like meor because i've lost my own set of paints?same goes for stars, and the night skyhave i also told you, that i talk to everything?people just don't listen, sometimesother times, you must learn - to shut upbut you can say anything to everythingis it possible to love too much?philo teacher: what is love, and who defines too much?i love that subject, yet too much thinkingspoils the beauty of a simplistic answerthe stars are all hiding tonightand the stray cats are dishearteningly quietno noise?oh, but i love the sound of rushing waterand mousehunt just gave me 45 points per horneven when i'm sounding every 20 minutes instead of 15no one's awake, even now?it's only 12.49amthe streetlights outside are spoiltmy new best friend is 2ambut yeah, i haven't seen her in agesso i make do with her twin sister of quiet dark cornersand an imaginary cat on my lap that haunts my thoughtseven when i've tried keeping it awaysomehow, it always finds an open doorand holds me hostage, tied up with balls of rosesi feel like i just swept a whole lot of cobwebs and junk out of my brain.pity you can't throw thoughts away.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
[无话可说] 有时候，真不懂是怎么一回事。说好了生气只气一天，隔天早上恢复正常； 这次谁先毁约，你自己清楚。 可是无所谓 - 总之是我自找的。有很多很多的事情，我是不能怪罪你，最终只有以泪水哄自己去睡。是谁的错我已经学会不管了，追究有什么用？反正任何事情令你不开心，我也认定是我的错了。--------回家路上和 D 一起走，边聊天边吐出了心事。她一直告诉我，根本就不了解我到底欣赏你哪一点；她说她认为倒过来是你应该觉得幸福、是你该哄我开心，不是没几天就吵个天翻地覆。可是又想起你平常做的小举动，那些使我开心、让我知道还有人关心我爱我的举动，你知道我多想念吗。 整天都失魂落魄的样子，多少次做了糊涂的事情，多少次完全无法专心，多少次想哭却哭不出来，你也不会了解。是泪水哭干了吗？我自己都不知道。她说我也够笨的；怎么会爱到如此痴心绝对的地步。还说我应该和多其他人一起走，才会了解自己想找的是怎样的人。我嘴上给她了敷衍的答案，心中却如此明白想要的，至少已曾经拥有。曾有一天，你爱上了一个人。她每当口气显得严重了点你就担心让她生气了，甚至她稍微不开心你都不舍得。你日思夜想就只想得到她这颗心，终于得到了。现在每三两天就生她的气，她几乎每次晚上甚至凌晨才好不容易哭睡着。有一次她说是因为让你不开心而生自己的气、因为伤了你的心痛恨自己哭成一场，你回了一句话： “你太爱哭了。”每个深爱着心上人的女孩，总会把任何伤了他的心的事算在自己头上，也从来不会怪他。就算要了她的心肝，只要能让你开心，什么都行。就算是你觉得她开始够厌烦了，不想再要了，她还是会笑中含泪，掩藏深深插入心里的刀，放你走。希望的也只有同样的一件事 - 你开心就好。
Thursday, December 03, 2009
days of sunshine and nights of thunder; this will be a hodgepodge of everything life has been.1. rocks.i still remember i read somewhere that those huge huge rocks in random deserts are amazingly brittle, despite their size. because the midday sun bakes them and they expand, but the icy desert nights cool them and they contract. and the frequent expansion/contraction cycle means they're terribly stressed internally, and any strong wind will just make them crumble.and all life has been doing, is nothing but slowly wearing me down. i'm tired of the ups and downs. they're too frequent and sudden for me to take - within one day i get extremes of happiness and depression. will i go mad, someday? God forbid, but if that is meant to be, i won't oppose it. i don't have the strength to. i don't even have the strength to pick myself up every time you make me fall - i wait for you to put me back together.2. dolphins.again, something i read somewhere - dolphins have a permanent smile; it's genetically etched on their faces. so no one can tell what they're really feeling inside, no one except themselves. it could be a depressed or even suicidal dolphin for all you know, and it'd still be smiling at you.if you see a smile, or hear a happy note, remember: it could all just be another facade, another permanent, fake smile.3. bleeding love.i don't need to elaborate. don't ask me to. [ref: the full lyrics, and previous posts.]4. a fairly scratched dragon, and a kitten cooked to a crisp.it's honestly stupid to fight wars that hurt everyone and don't do any good. idk why they still are fought, really.5. mirages.things you think are for real, but actually don't exist. correction: things you think are for real which actually don't exist, and yet exist in that figment of imagination your brain cooked up; a fantasy you wish to believe. 6. broken things, shards of glass. stained glass.just lying on the floor in pieces. the little things that no one notices, but are the proof of things, probably beautiful things at that, broken and gone, perhaps never to be rescued again?or maybe they were just never appreciated in the first place.7. ice, and snowdrops.i've always liked finding shapes in things. first clouds, then the waves in the sea, and now ice blocks.so the next time you see a little drop of ice or snow, it might have just been a frozen tear. don't bother asking where it came from, though; it's lost. you're not likely to trace it back to where it came from.8. sunshine, and rainbows.beautiful moments, and times you'd want to spend with the people you love.pity they are but fleeting moments, grasping at time flowed away.in summary:seven days and seven nights of thunder? maybe more. with the crippling wind railing away.bland, mildly interestingly flavoured bread interspersed with rich creamy sweet strawberry sauce, drowned ruthlessly in the bitterest dark coffee. with blocks of liquid nitrogen thrown furiously at it, to add fractures to injuries.very nosy things, too.there was a time where i'd have considered ending everything in a matter of seconds.but now i can't.too bad that i'm past my threshold, then. maybe it's breaking point, maybe it's not. does anyone care? [no. does anyone -still- care?]
Sunday, November 22, 2009
disjointed images. spent ages mulling over how to structure this; then i gave up on all the rest and jumped back into my love for pictures.seven days and seven nights of thunderthe water's rising and i'm slipping undermaybe you never realised, never realisedhow much it's draining out of methe who i used to beyou gave me a rainbowa psychedelic sunrisebut all it took was for the winds to changeand i'd have seven days and seven nights of thunderall over again.onlyi'd have no one left to pick me up.frozen right down to the very heartoverreaction, you saybut if i didn't carei wouldn't have frozen overwith you.haven't you, haven't youheardthat too much fire and too much icewill just weaken anything at its corethat flowers bleed far moreeven as they draw blood from youthat there was a reasonyou never endured a blizzardor concentric rings of flamelike your own?but i suppose life goes on.i guess you'll come back and pick me upsomedaymy happycat will find his happy backand then kitty will be fine.
i'm just the girl in the corner, the girl with the wistful eyes;
jiaying
seventeen! but that'll change on 220910 xD
rafflesian
113'05, 210'06, 315'07, 415'08 10S03P!
redcrosser passed out;
tribunist [vchair yay :D] said farewell;
but i'll never forget those days(:
archer! :D
still a writer, yep.
save me...
absolutely deranged
chocoholic
shopaholic
complete psychotic
stress-hater
panicky [i'm serious.]
unfortunately, more often than not, a broken rose.
... before i drive myself mad.
je t'aime;
rgsrcy
tribune
rj archery!
writers' guild!
reading! xD
dancing <3!
singing
going on facebook and playing random games there HAHA
grand pianos [oh, nothing beats a grand!]
black; pink; chocolate brown :D
astronomy; knitting; archeryyy(:
pool; bridge; mahjong! xD
chemistry! [favourite subject (:]
needless to say, we must never leave out the two essences of life, chocolate and shopping! i can never do without
them hahaha(x
for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams;
ra science nahh no chance alr. but nevermind(:
>3.6 gpa [HAHA YES I DID IT FOR SECTHREE!(:]
tribune chair vchair's good enough. and in any case, my term's over anyway.
>3.6 SECFOUR gpa! YES I DID IT AGAIN! :D
rj chem ra! thank God i got in! :D
or uwc nordic! didn't apply; decided that specialising in sciences was the wiser choice, given my inaptitude
for humanities ><
rj dance! street/intl also can :D :Dbut nevermind, because rj archery pwns all now!
not forgetting the typical wish for world peace, duh. (:
and i wish i could have him. or at least, if we're not meant to be, someone to love
and to love me back. &it's true that love ends up being a battlefield sometimes, but it's still love; blessed
love.
for we were meant to last forever;
i find my paradise when you look me in the eyes-
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